Throughout this little series of thought nuggets I have processing, I’ve explored the art of observation and how it shapes our understanding (Part 1), as well as how our intrinsic tendencies shape our productivity and accountability (Part 2). These were all things I was processing while creating a fully day PD on the Universal Construct in Iowa on Productivity and Accountability. Now, I want to turn toward something more intangible—our relationships and the words we use to define them.
Lately, I’ve been drawn to David Whyte’s(my absolute latest obsession of a thinker, writer, and poet) thoughts on the word relationship. He suggests that it lacks magic, that it fails to fully encapsulate the deep, raw intimacy we long for. He writes:
“Relationship is a word that has never been equal to the mysterious alchemical joining or the physical intimacy we try so hard to make it represent. Relationship is the guardian figure standing by the doorway of the temple of what we actually want.”
This passage has stuck with me because it challenges the way we frame our connections. We often use words like relationship, friendship, partnership as placeholders—but are they enough? Do they reflect the lived experience of connection, the moments of vulnerability, joy, challenge, and transformation? And I tihnk about how these words are used in both our personal lives and professional and are we doing justice to the words and the actual meanings we are trying to derive from what we think we are creating?
The Limits and Possibilities of Words
Language, while powerful, can sometimes create distance. When we say we are “working on our relationship,” what are we really saying? Are we using words to get closer, or are we unintentionally reinforcing barriers? The words we choose shape not just how we communicate, but how we engage, how we love, and how we sustain connection.
This insight extends beyond romantic relationships. It applies to how we relate to our work, our communities, and even ourselves. If we strip away the labels and approach connection with curiosity instead of definition, what do we find? Perhaps something less rigid, something more alive.
The Invitation to Reframe
What if instead of asking, How is my relationship?, we asked:
- How am I showing up for this connection?
- What does this person (or project, or pursuit) need from me right now?
- Where am I holding back, and why?
Shifting the language of relationships allows us to focus on presence rather than structure, on experience rather than expectation. It asks us to listen more, assume less, and embrace the magic that Whyte suggests our words often fail to capture.
Tiny Experiment for You
Over the next few days, try this:
- Notice the words you use when talking about relationships—romantic, platonic, professional, or even your relationship with yourself.
- Reframe your language to focus on connection instead of labels. Instead of saying, “I need to fix this relationship,” try “I want to deepen my connection.”
- Observe how it feels—Do new words create new perspectives? Do they open space for different kinds of conversations?
Let’s step beyond words-as-barriers and find language that invites more depth, presence, and magic.
Stay tuned for the upcoming bonus reflection (Part 4), where I explore how words themselves shape our reality and the world we build around us.
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