**Note that last week I wrote about my thoughts on this book from Chapter 1 in case you want to see the initial thinking**
In The Extinction of Experience, Christine Rosen continues to challenge so much of my thinking, living, and processing of the world around in chapter 2. In particular something that has already moved me to examine my practices and begin to make changes is the idea that as digital convenience replaces face-to-face interaction, we may be mistaking participation for connection. Chapter 2 unpacks how we have substituted real engagement for simulated belonging, often mediated through screens, notifications, and algorithmically curated experiences.
Crazy deep! I know!!!! Keep reading or better yet go read this book NOW!
This chapter led me to reflect on a question I think many of us should consider:
How do we recognize when we “think” we are part of a community, when in reality, we are not?
It’s easy to believe we are deeply connected—liking posts, engaging in group chats, keeping up with updates—but are we building relationships, or merely consuming them? Are we sorting and aligning our lives around what truly matters, or just accumulating digital distractions disguised as community because we no longer belong as much as we once did?
One exercise I’ve been considering is decluttering my digital life—looking at the apps on my phone that provide the illusion of community but fail to offer real human connection. I took screenshots of all my apps and am working my way to either delete them entirely or reduce the interactions that I have falsely believed were connections and community keeping me from truly finding these opportunities in life.
The Disconnection Hidden in Convenience
Something else from this chapter that grabbed me is that technology has made it easier than ever to create “personalized” experiences that remove the possibility of true interaction with another person which begs the question is this really personalized at all or feeds the notion of chapter 1 idea of living algorithm driven experiences?
“Creating a ‘personalized’ experience that removed the possibility of interacting with another person.”
This is evident in how many modern interactions are mediated through screens. Whether it’s ordering food, booking a ride, or attending a virtual meeting, we often bypass the messiness of real human interaction in favor of something more seamless and controlled.
But what is lost in the process?
Rosen writes that face-to-face interaction is essential to our humanity, rooted in evolutionary biology. Our ability to read facial expressions, body language, and unspoken cues helps us form trust and deepen relationships.
“Nevertheless, our growing preference for mediated forms of communication impacts our ability to assess the trustworthiness of others.”
Without these cues, do we truly know the people we engage with online?
This is something I’ve been thinking about as I assess my own digital interactions—how much of my time is spent in surface-level engagement that feels like connection but isn’t? And I have started to really spin a bit on this idea of false perception of connection(s).
Are We Becoming Mediated Bystanders?
One of the most thought-provoking moments in this chapter is Rosen’s discussion of how our reliance on digital interactions makes us passive participants in our own social lives.
“In the future, will more of us become mediated bystanders? We have come to prefer mediated forms of communication, with their ease and control, to the messier realities of face-to-face interaction.”
This hit me hard. Have I allowed convenience to replace commitment?
I thought about my phone—specifically, the apps that give me a sense of belonging but don’t actually deepen my relationships. Social media, messaging apps, even professional networks—these tools create a sense of community, but do they actually provide it?
I scrolled through my apps, and I saw a pattern:
- Apps that allow me to consume but not create.
- Platforms that make me feel informed but not engaged.
- Spaces where I interact, but rarely in a way that deepens relationships.
And I wondered: How do I declutter the illusion of connection and rebuild real, meaningful community?
The Challenge: Decluttering Digital Distractions & Rebuilding Real Connection
This led me to a personal challenge—one I now invite you to try.
Step 1: Audit Your Digital Spaces
- Open your phone. Look at your apps.
- Ask yourself: Which of these truly help me connect? Which ones merely distract me?
- Consider deleting or minimizing apps that simulate connection but don’t foster real engagement.
Step 2: Reevaluate Your Sense of Community
- Who are the people you truly feel connected to?
- When was the last time you saw them in person or had a real conversation?
- Are there relationships you need to rekindle rather than just passively observe?
Step 3: Take One Action to Rebuild Connection
- Call a friend instead of texting.
- Schedule a meetup rather than a virtual check-in.
- Engage in a real-world community rather than a digital one.
True connection requires effort. It is not something we can passively scroll through.
Final Thought: Are We Mistaking Proximity for Participation?
One of the final ideas in this chapter that resonated with me is the distinction between proximity and participation. Just because we are near a community (digitally or physically) does not mean we are part of it.
“When we focus our attention on the glowing screens of our smartphones rather than on the people around us, never granting them even brief acknowledgment, we are not practicing civil inattention but civil disengagement.”
This makes me think about moments when I felt lonely despite being surrounded by people. Was I engaging, or merely present? Was I building, or just consuming?
I invite you to sit with these questions. More importantly, I challenge you to take action—because connection isn’t something we stumble into. It’s something we create.
What will you do today to move from digital distraction to real connection?
And if you need help taking action, then check out my current productivity and accountability 10 week newsletter for a district I am supporting on creating tiny experiments using PACT.
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